Does Your Environment Control You?

Does your environment have control of you? Does fear of failure, or caring about what other people think hold you back in the past?

 

It sure has for me! Fear of failing has paralyzed me in my past races while internalizing what others thought of me almost resulted in me ending my own life in 2015.

 

Over the last seven years I have been publicly shamed for mistakes I have made as well as things that were untrue. 

 

Regardless of what I deserved or I didn’t, how I learned to handle my environment has become one of the greatest victories.

 

This past week I had two unique reminders of the traumatic experiences and associated fears.

 

Just yesterday, the person in the top photo proudly posted this photo he staged with his friends during the pro challenge. Each lap I passed by he ran into the road and screamed at me “doper, cheater, and dead beat Dad.” It hurt me, bad. I let my environment control me and it ended with me losing focus, and giving him the middle finger.

 

But I became stronger from all of this, and wiser. I learned that your environment only has the power when you give it to it.

 

Internally, I also learned who I was. I became confident in owning my mistakes of the past as well as the incidents/stories that were untrue.

 

I took control of myself and my future by acting like me, loving myself for who I truly was.

 

This weekend I proved my control in a very difficult environment, a bike race.

 

But not just a bike race where my old fear of failure existed, but a place where I had to brush shoulders with people who had shamed me publically close to my death.

 

But I took control, and I won.

 

No I did not win the race, but I won my ride. I smiled and said hi to each of these hurtful people who would look me in the eye. 

 

I attacked off the front with 80 miles to go in the race with zero fear of losing. 

 

I even had one of the most prominent people who has shamed me there, sitting there on my wheel for 1.5 hours of my 2 hour breakaway.

 

I won because I felt no anger, no resentment, and no fear towards bike racing, results, or other people’s opinions.

 

Guys, take the control back in your life. Stop looking outward for gratification and start looking inside.

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